OMG... its Jen

The dating scene befuddles me.

Granted, I’ve been out of it for a while and as such set a few ground rules for myself to follow so I can avoid any stupidity and weed out the idiots before anything bad happens.

1) No bullshit.  This is pretty self explanatory… or at least one would think so.  Bullshit includes anything I deem to be a huge character flaw, up to but not limited to: perpetual lying, drug/alcohol addiction, gambling addiction, no job, no direction, no ambition, no intelligence, no life, no losers!  This isn’t that difficult to adhere to, surprisingly.

2) No excuses.  Meaning, I’m not going to make excuses for him.  If I constantly hear things like, ‘Sorry, I’m busy’ or ‘Sorry, I have a lot on my mind’ or ‘Sorry, I’m too important’ I’m distancing myself and calling it quits early on.  There’s no point in staying in something if he’s not interested.  Additionally, I’ve lived for tomorrow before and it never made me anything but miserable today.

3) He can ask me for my fucking number and call me.  I’m a complete package.  I’m smart, I’m witty, I’m cute, I work, I have fun and a great attitude. I get really excited about stupid things like the weather.  All in all, I’m worth some guy taking the time out of his ultra busy schedule to ask for my number to ask me out.  I’ve wasted a huge amount of energy pursuing something that I thought was worth it and realized in the end… hey, he wasn’t interested.  If he’s interested, he’ll come to me.

So… 3 rules, pretty easy right?

Yeah rules were made to be broken.

So far, #1’s done pretty well although there was the random exception.  Over Halloween weekend, I went to a party with some friends and was approached by a nice looking guy.  We sat and chatted for a bit and after a while, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a baggie and a bowl.  It was a private party at a private house, everyone knew everyone and I didn’t really think a lot of it since I was drunk and we were having a good time.  He offered a hit, I took one, the end. 

We ended up shuffling off alone later on in the night and ‘chatting’ a little more.  I asked if he was going to school, he said yes but that he was working too.  In my drunken haze, I thought ‘Nice, someone with direction… there could be potential here’ so I asked ‘Really?  What do you do for a living?’  And was met with some very vague answers…

‘Sales’ he said. 

I asked, ‘Oh yeah?  What do you sell?’

He didn’t answer.  Since I was otherwise incapacitated, I didn’t think much of it so when he asked for my number I gave it to him and was pretty shocked when he called me the next day.  Who calls a drunk hook up from a party the night before?!  After the initial few moments of awkward, we got back to talking about ourselves again this time in a more sober fashion.  I asked my same questions and got the same answers which made me a lot more uncomfortable than the previous evening.

It didn’t hit me until 3 days later that he sold weed to make money while he went to community college with no major… Listen, I never claimed to be the brightest crayon in the box, ok?  I’m also pretty nieve, I guess.  But hey, thats part of my charm so shut up.

In any case, this guy’s been calling/texting on the nightly now.  Last night I got hit at 2am with a text saying ‘r u up?’ I replied with ‘Yeah for a little while longer’ and my phone rang immediately after sending it. 

What the hell?! 

How do you blindside someone with that?  Obviously since I’d JUST sent the text, he’s going to know that I’m sitting right next to my phone so if I don’t answer it, it’d just be plain rude.  I’m not in the business of being a complete asshole until totally justified so I had to answer it.

‘Hey babe, how you doing?’ he says.

‘Babe?  Really?’  In my state of total disbelief, I managed to squeak out that I’d had a bad night at work (which I had) and that I wasn’t feeling well (which I wasn’t) so I didn’t really feel like talking. 

Not one to get the hint, he says, ‘Oh well… why was it so bad?’

You know, I can totally appreciate someone being interested in my life.  Thats pretty awesome in all honesty but if I just get done saying that I don’t feel like talking please let me hang up the fucking phone.  I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the interest here but come on!  It was 2am and this guy was just asking for a beat down which I was happy to deliver and then hang up. 

My Undersecratary of Romance, Jamie, later told me that I shouldn’t have answered at all.  While I don’t disagree with him, how the fuck was I supposed to know that this kid had a fucking ace up his sleeve to call AS SOON AS HE GOT A RESPONSE TO A TEXT MESSAGE?!

Jesus!

Moving on…

Rules #2 and #3 seem to be working hand in hand, so if one fails, the other does too.  While 3 is all about letting HIM pursue me, I find myself making EXCUSES to pursue HIM instead…

Its soooo ffffucking annoying. 

I spent nearly my entire day at work today in a Code Yellow status because I hadn’t heard from my “bottom bitch”. 

This is frustrating for a number of reasons.  Its long distance.  While I know I’m thinking of him, I don’t know if he’s thinking of me.  I don’t know if he cares, I don’t know how he feels.  I don’t know if its in my head, I don’t know if I’m making things up.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know!  I don’t know anything!!

So… like most girls I know, I started thinking of ways to restrain myself from opening contact with him since I had earlier that morning.  If he was thinking of me, he’d contact me, right?  Seems justified, or…

HEY MAYBE HE’S JUST REALLY BUSY!? 

…oh look I made an excuse for him… fuck, there goes rule #2!

Then I got upset that I’d just broken rules 2 and 3 at the exact same time and reminded myself that I’m going to see him in a couple of weeks.  He actually wants to see me so he deserves a little latitude, right?

Right?!

So then I started asking myself how much patience I needed to equal out the cost of a plane ticket?  This went back and forth for a while… look, the point here is that this was a battle I couldn’t win since I was playing it with myself.  Finally, at around 6:30pm, I decided to take lunch because I was starving.

I learned a few lessons here: First, the gyros at Salonika’s on 6th Street in Pittsburgh are out of this world. Secondly, when I get anxious avoid Redbull regardless of how much I’m passing out on the job.  Third, when in doubt eat and everything will turn out fine.    I fucking hate being an emotional eater.

I’m not sure how to wrap this up so another senseless anecdote:

There’s this guy I work with…  He’s kind of a cutie and we seem to have a lot in common.  Somehow tonight we got on the topic of relationships, I didn’t bring it up (I SWEAR)!!!!  Anyway, I told him my philosophies and the above rules and he found them interesting.  We talked for a while about our previous relationships, current relationships, recent breakups, what we want… or think we want… and I ended up leaving work at end of shift before I could ask him his thoughts on this:  Why do people date when it does nothing but stress them out? 

Isn’t this dating thing supposed to be fun… meeting people, going out, hanging out, hooking up, talking, sharing stories, listening, getting to know people?  Thats fun, right?  Why, where and when does it go from being relaxed and groovy to uptight and serious?!  How does that transition take place?  When that happens, is there a point anymore?  I’d asked Undersecratary Jamie the same question a week or two ago and he said that while it should be easy, it shouldn’t be too easy.  Well what the hell kind of answer is that?! 

Of COURSE I know that it should be something worth working for but come on!  Fucking James!  Ugh!

I’m glad my parents bottle their own wine.

[Edit]:  I’ve been corrected.  Jamie is my COUNSELOR of Romance, not the Undersecretary.  My apologies.

I haven’t blogged in what feels about 20 years.  When I go to write a blog, Blogger is down.

How typical is that?!

So, tumblr to the rescue.  Thank you, tumblr.

Let me tell you all about MY day.

I was off today.  Simple enough.  My boyfriend and I decided around 12:30 to head out to run some errands and grab lunch.  Our travels took us over to the S&T Bank in Shadyside.  I made a sizable withdrawal and…

…wait for it…

FORGOT MY CARD IN THE GOD DAMN ATM.

Of course, I didn’t realize this for about 2 and a half hours.

I take full responsiblity for this infraction.  It’s not the first time I’ve ever done anything quite this stupid, it probably won’t be the last but this brand of stupidity won’t be happening again.  Ever.  I swear.

Anyway, as soon as I realized my card was missing, I immediately called 1.800.325.BANK and spoke to a very nice customer service rep named Erin.  I told her that I was a moron and she helped close my card for me.  

You’d think that’d be the end of this story right?

Would I be blogging about it if I was?

Ok you’re right, I probably would be… but no.  No, there’s more.

Erin told me that she could get a new card to me within 11 to 14 days.  Now to someone who still uses checks or relies mostly on cash, this probably isn’t a big deal… but if you’re like me, you live and die by your bank card.  It’s easier to carry, easier to keep track of and online banking is a snap… most of the time…

So think about this: ELEVEN to FOURTEEN days.  I live on the North Side of Pittsburgh.  My closest bank branch is Shadyside.  SHADYSIDE… this is at least an hour drive between my house and the bank each time I need cash for the next two weeks.

So I asked Erin if she could expediate the card my way?

Sure… for a fee of $50.

S&T, are you fucking kidding me with this?  I legit laughed right in this woman’s ear when she told me.

So you’re trying to be a highly competitive bank in the Pittsburgh Area… meanwhile, not only do you have NO branches, NO money centers and NO ATMs in the Downtown Pittsburgh Area, you offer NO perks like free checks and you make life miserable when your customers are idiots which BAD ON YOU FOR NOT EXPECTING THEM TO BE.  You also don’t recognize the fact that this is the year 2011 and most people have smart phones.  An Android app… what a concept!

In short, this is why I’ve already opened a Performance Account with PNC Bank.  It’s why I’m going to Shadyside tomorrow morning to withdraw everything remaining in my S&T account and why I’ll soon no longer be doing business with your company.